Eurovision Song Contest 2012 (Baku – Azerbaijan) – 1. Semi-Final

Yes, I’ve watched it. I mean, why wouldn’t I? It’s my favorite comedy-show after all, I’m so looking foward to it every year. Sadly, I won’t be able to watch the second Semi-final and the Final live, but luckily you can watch everything online – even the german version and I love our german commentator. You know, he’s the only one allowed to comment on Austrias song (“Woki mit Deim Popo” engl.: Shake your ass) with: “Das ist für den Arsch.” (literally: That’s for the ass.)

I’m honest, I don’t think anyone really treats the ESC seriously here and maybe that’s because we’ve had so many bad acts in the past: we weren’t even trying. The send-a-bad-act-stuff changed with Lena (hey, I like our Roman), but not exactly the overall opinion on the ESC and looking at some of the acts, I’m convinced we’re not the only onces thinking this way.

So, let’s dig into the unwanted funny musical competition that has Euro in it’s name, but is not limited to Europe, the Eurovision Song Contest 2012, first Semi-Final from Baku Azerbaijan. And I’m proud of myself: I knew about this country before ESC2011. In 2012 we have three lovely hosts, who were probably promised some kind of award, if they’re able to keep their awkward smile on their faces the entire show. Eldar Gasimov, by the way one part of the winning duo from fast year, seems to be the favorite, although he managed to get past the big challenge called French. His lovely co-moderators tried very hard on it, while he was practicing his smile.

1. Montenegro Rambo Amadeus – “Euro-Neuro”

The first participant already got a hell lot of positive response from the german watchers in my livestream. Probably because his entry was so silly, everone laughed at him. No, seriously, they’ve send the worst act of the day first, so at least you’re optimistic the rest of the show can’t get worse.

The main problem I had with this song, that might have a deep meaning, but simply fails to get it across to the audience, is the rythm. It sounds all over the place and the singing doesn’t really match the music either. I was so happy when it was over.

Result: kicked out

2. Iceland Gréta Salóme and Jónsi – “Never Forget”

The second act took immediate advantage of being place right after “Neuro Neuro”. After such a horrible song, everything sounds good. It seems Iceland decited to go with the “let’s try to mix some elements of past winners together”-strategy and send a male/female-duo (2011) with a violin (2009) for show. Did it work? Somehow, but let’s just say  they should be really grateful to Montenegro and I’m still absolutely convinced the male part of the dou, could have done better alone.

Result: in the Finals

3. Greece Eleftheria Eleftheriou – “Aphrodisiac”

Next was Greece and although it was a generic danceable song, it was actually the best song of the evening so far. Truth to be told, it wasn’t that hard to accompish this, but credit to whoever deserves it. Sadly the greek economy showed in the performance, the poor lady wasn’t even fully clothed. Ok, that joke was lame, but seriously, what the hell was she wearing? This can’t count for a dress, this is a shirt that barely coverd her ass as long as she didn’t move too much. Other than that, the song is pretty nice and, like I said, danceable, but the usual ESC-material if you ask me. They played safe.

Result: in the Finals

4. Lativa Anmary – “Beautiful Song”

Lativa was… not so good. A song about wishing to write a popular song didn’t work as good as they probably hoped and Anmary didn’t really sing it very good. Also, her dress was absolutely horrible, it looks 2 sizes too small for her. her performance was also very stiff, well, since she’s wearing this dress that’s no wonder. I’m very sorry, but this didn’t look like they were actually trying to reach the finals.

Result: kicked out

5. Albania Rona Nishliu – “Suus”

While Rona easily wins the award for the worst dress of the evening and the worst hairdo, she also easily wins the award for the best singer in the 1. semi-final and truth to be told, I don’t think there’s a better singer in the entire competition. The best advice for her performace is probably to close your eyes and only listen, because I can’t imagine what they were thinking when they decited that it was a good idea to let her go on stage like this, her voice is more than enough to stand out. More than enough people are making fun of her as the screaming woman, but she’s truy an amazing singer with an amazing song. My favorite from the 1. semi-final.

Result: in the Finals (surprisingly)

6. Romania Mandinga – “Zaleilah”

Romania impressed everyone with an amazing sontext that pretty much consisted of “lela”, “oh and “ah” in various combinations. Yet another dance-song with yet another sexy dressed girl. boob-bonus for the win. It was all right, but the lalalalalala was going on my nerves after a while, it’s vertainly not the kind of song I want to listen to very often, or else I might go crazy over it. She had some kind of musicans in the background, for show, like the violin from Iceland, but it would’ve looked better if they at least tried to look like they were playing their instruments.

Result: in the Finals

7. Switzerland Sinplus – Unbreakable

Oh yeah, our dear neighbors failed to send a good act to the ESC yet again, but I guess at least they were trying. I liked the boys, but the song itself really needs getting used to. I liked the refrain, it was a greeting to all those people who thought Lenas English in “Satellite” was weird, the lead singers English was so funny, I actually ended up liking it. Nevertheless, it wasn’t good material for the finals, too bad Switzerland.

Result: kicked out

8. Belgium  Iris – “Would You?”

Unlike Switzerland, Belgium had a good song at the very least and a pretty good singer, although she was kinda like the Lena this year… dressed in a confirmation dress. It was good, a nice ballad, the problem was that she was absolutely forgettable. She didn’t stood out at all, she literally vanished as soon as she left the stage. I kind of pity her, but I seriously don’t remember her song anymore. Now I feel bad.

Result: kicked out

9. Finland Pernilla Karlsson – “När Jag Blundar”

This year, finland decited to go with soemthing unusual. No, as you can see in the picture, they didn’t send Lordi again, although it would probably raised their chances a lot. Instead they send a girl sining swedish… for Finland. Yeah, that makes no sense, or at least as long as you don’t know that swedish is the second official language in Finland. At least that’s what our german commentator said, so I believe him.

Result: kicked out.

10. Israel Izabo – “Time”

I honestly don’t know what to say about this. I didn’t like it and not because it sounded kinda sixty-ish. It was not my cup of tea, but I can see people liking it: it’s crazy and different, also not exactly bad, I think, but seems very oldish. Like I said, it sounds as if it’s out of the sixties. Too spice their performance up, they made people kissing on stage. Well, nice and all, but where’s the point? It wasn’t a love song, at least as far as I can tell.  A very confusing song.

Result: kicked out

11. San Marino Valentina Monetta – “The Social Network Song”

Now, I actually feel ashamed to be german, thank you Ralph Siegel for creating this song, it’s horrible. To get rid of “Facebook” in the song, he just replaced it oh “oh” and “ah” and “uh”, I already mentioaned that I didn’t like it a lot when ROmania did it and I sill don’t like it. Too much oh oh oh and uh uh uh for my liking and I didn’t like the singer as well. On a side note, am I the only one wondering what the pilot and the doctor were doing in the background?

Result: kicked out

12. Cyprus Adamou – “La La Love”

They even put the lalalas in their title, just great… All right, actually it wasn’t that bad and not nearly as bad as San Marino, I just fail to understand why they were dancing on a bank made of books. It was yet another danceable song and it sounded kind of similar to Greece, but it was all right, I didn’t think it would go to the finals though. Another “play safe” song with hot ladies in hot dresses dancing on… books.

Result: in the Finals

13. Denmark Soluna Samay – “Should’ve Known Better”

This lovely lady is the daughter of a street musican who ended up in Denmark at some point, that’s what our commentator said, yeat again, I’m going to believe him, because he’s awesome. The song was alright (in comparison to the rest at least), I didn’t liked her clothes though and she was a bit like a danish version of Miley Cyrus. I’m sorry, that’s no a compliment, but like I said, the song was pretty ok, I liked it.

Result: in the finals

14. Russia Buranowski Babuschki – “Party For Everybody!”

Finally the party-grannies everyone loves. They actually only wanted to get some money for their small village, but now the entire of Europe loves them. Isn’t it just cute how those golden girls go on stage and sing for fun? They can’t sing, I mean it, they’re completely off, but they’re very charming and have the oldest ESC-contestant in the history of the ESC: a 86year old. I’m not such a big fan of their song, because it gets really repetitive, but to each their own.

Result: in the Finals (of course)

15. Hungary Compact Disco – “Sound Of Our Hearts”

Thanks to their name, I thought it was going to be another dance-song. They have Disco in their name, don’t judge me! I was so disappointed when it was pop, but I don’ remember it. Like: at all! I think it was some kind of ballad, but I’m not even sure about that. I guess their lead singer looks nice, something to look at for the ladies? Sexy leather clothes. To be honest, in the end I would’ve preferred another dance-song.

Result: in the Finals

16. Austria Trackshittaz – “Woki Mit Deim Popo”

The only song in German and it’s not even good. In fact, I thought it was so bad, it comes second very close to “Euro Neuro”. I don’t like rap and although most of the audience was actually singing along, at least the parts they were able to, and they really moved them, they failed to fo that with me. Probably BECAUSE I understand the lyrics. It’s austrian dialect, but it was understandable for me.

Result: kicked out (and Jedward were actually pretty sad about it)

17. Moldova Pasha Parfeny – “Lăutar”

Moldova was fun, or at least the background dancers were, althought I didn’t ecatly wanted to see their underwear this much. No, no, the song itself was fun too. The singer looked kinda… weird, you know, he was wearing some traditional clothing. Well, I think it was supposed to be at least partly traditional colthing… maybe?

Result: in the Finals

18. Ireland Jedward – “Waterline”

Oh hell yes, Jedward are back. I really like them, I’m not a fan, but I think they’re very funny performers and the have catchy songs. With 4 background singers, you can’t go that wrong, or at least their own singing can’t utterly destroy the song, whichever you want. This year, their song seems to be more approriate for the masses, but Lipstick was catchier, you’ve only had to heart it once and it was stuck in your head for weeks. Waterline is great too, I probably like it more than Lipstick, but it’s less catchy and it took me some time to remember it’s rythm. Other than that, it’s Jedward.

Result: in the Finals

So, all in all, we have these finalists: Iceland, Greece, Albania, Romania, Cyprus, Denmark, Russia, Hungary, Moldova and Ireland. I’m pretty ok with it, the worst songs didn’t make it, so I guess it’s fine and now I’ll go and watch the second Semi-Final. See you next time.


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